Cambridge, MA – An Inman Square Nanotechnology Research Institute (ISNRI) research fellow and professor, Dr. Xin Bing Hong, talked to this reporter about Democrat presidential candidate Biden recently about his involvement in a meeting with the brain trust and power brokers of the DNC.  Dr. Bing (as he told me to call him) has been the lead scientist on experimental nanobot technology at ISNRI.  The technology in question are nanobots that can be injected into a human to help in controlling or manipulating brain activity in people of advanced age, specifically those who suffer from dementia or Alzheimer’s.

“In the early stages of the campaign,” Dr. Bing stated, “the campaign committee came to us inquiring about our experiments with the nanobots.  We told them that we were only just beginning to experiment on mice and that it was not ready for human usage.”

“And then what happened?” I asked.

“They insisted.  They told me about [candidate] Biden’s history of public gaffes and they needed to do something to prevent it from happening on the campaign trail and town hall meeting. I reiterated that we were not sure if it was ready for humans.  They insisted. I reluctantly agreed because they seemed desperate.” Dr. Bing said with shrug.

“What happened next? Did they work?”

“Yes and no,” he replied hesitantly. “We did a test in the lab after the injection.  They worked fine in the lab, but outside the lab we ran into unanticipated problems.”

“Such as…?” I prompted.

“Well, in the lab we have 2GB bandwidth so no issues.  The technology will work with a 1GB bandwidth and beta testing showed we needed a 5G cellular network to function remotely.” He threw up his arms in exasperation.  “Then we started getting interference when we only had 4G or less than 1GB. We figured out, after lengthy testing, that his hair plugs were causing issues with the connection and transmission of our information to his neurons. Oi, what a mess.”

“What clued you into this problem?”

“Do you remember that gaffe in the radio interview, when he told African American man that he wasn’t black if he wasn’t voting Democrat? We sent the correct response but it got skewed by the plugs. We thought his handlers were going to kill us.  Fortunately, my assistant locked the door.”